Gef by We Are Goose

Josie Long’s Lost Treasures of the Black Heart comedy night in Camden, London invite performers to come on stage and tell about something that most people don’t know about. Sometimes it is a famous person from history, like Tycho Brahe and his drunken moose, or the theme song to the Disney film The Barefoot Executive. Some of the older evenings were recorded into a podcast, available free on iTunes. In the July 5, 2011 episode, an hour in, we learn about Gef the Talking Mongoose from a band called We Are Goose. I had never heard of Gef the talking Mongoose, but it became one of my favorite moments in all the episodes of Lost Treasures of the Black Heart Podcast. I heard about Gef again in 2016 when Reece Shearsmith talked about Gef on Book Shambles podcast, which I wrote about here, so I started to do a little research.

Gef was either a hoax, a mass delusion, or an Indian Sheik who was reincarnated into a mongoose with a golden tail. According to the Irving family on the Isle of Man, it lived in their walls and spoke to them. People around town claimed to visiting reporters that they saw it riding the buses. Were they bored? Were they trying to gain national attention for their town of Dalby? Had they all gone a little crazy? Were they really haunted by a gossiping weasel called, at that time, the Dalby Spook? You can learn more about the Spook, nicknamed “Gef the Talking Mongoose,” from the lyrics of We Are Goose’s song Gef, which they wrote especially for their performance for Lost Treasures of the Black Heart. You can also listen to a studio version (as opposed to the live version on the podcast) streaming free below or download it for less than a dollar here. (Warning: It will get stuck in your head.)

 

Printed here with permission of the band, lyrics to Gef:

VERSE 1
Had a house in Liverpool
But I had a life plan
Moved to Cashen’s Gap
Near Dalby on the Isle of Man.
It was a cruel and barren farmstead
My friends questioned my choice
‘til behind the insulation
I heard his voice.

BRIDGE
High in pitch but confident
From the dead he had been sent
His name was Gef
Gef Gef Gef Gef
The eighth wonder of the world.

CHORUS
Mongoose with human hands and feet
He was born in New Delhi
He’s over a century old.

VERSE 2
Gef would hide from the reporters
They’d searched to no avail
Only my daughter once saw his
Gold and fluffy tail.

BRIDGE
Claimed he was a poltergeist
He remained our honored guest
His name was Gef
Gef Gef Gef Gef
The eighth wonder of the world.

CHORUS
Mongoose with human hands and feet
He was born in New Delhi
He’s over a century old
Don’t look at Gef Gef Gef Gef Gef!
Or he will turn you into stone
So he hid behind a wall
Offered wisdom to us all
from the Irving family home.

VERSE 3
Cut now to 2005
James is no longer alive
His daughter’s on her dead bed
They ask, “Was it in your head?”
Despite the lack of evidence
Or basic strands of common sense
She declared no one had lied
When she promptly died.

BRIDGE
No proof Gef existed
Whether hoax or crypted
His name was Gef
Gef Gef Gef Gef
The eighth wonder of the world.

CHORUS
Mongoose with human hands and feet
He was born in New Delhi
He’s over a century old
Don’t look at Gef Gef Gef Gef Gef!
Or he will turn you into stone
So he hid behind a wall
Offered wisdom to us all
from the Irving family home.

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